I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
