and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
