I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
