I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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