Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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