Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
