Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
