We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
