Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
