i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize