I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
