The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
