benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
