You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
