just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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