this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
