dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
