i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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