Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize