Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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