I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
In America we eat man semen.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
