just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
