My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
zippers are such a cool invention
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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