So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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