I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
