Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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