Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
