real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
