The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
