tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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