I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
