Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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