did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
