I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
