My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
