She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would fuck him just for his dog
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I think i got beer on your cat.
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