i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
