the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
