What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
