Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
