Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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