i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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