The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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