Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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