its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
