I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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