I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
