You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
