you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
