the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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