Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
