well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
