I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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