i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
