i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize