Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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