I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
