Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
