I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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