At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
