So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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