no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
