i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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