he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
