No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
