Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
