remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize