Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
