i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
