how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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