i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
