sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
