my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Randomize
