I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize