If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
