; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
