Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
