so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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