We tried having a conversation with our noses.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
