After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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