My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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