I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
