She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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