he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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